


Motionless - Part 6

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Motionless [8]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky's POV, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Language, Light Angst, Major Character Injury, Miscommunication, Plot Twists, Reader's POV, Sad with a Happy Ending, amends are made, light fluff, the truth comes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Reader gets shot in the back during a mission leaving her paralyzed from the waist down.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for being patient, but it's finally here!! I really enjoyed writing this part! Thanks again for waiting. :)

**_Bucky’s POV_ **

 

_ “I’m sorry (Y/N)...I’m so sorry. P-Please forgive me. I love you...p-please c-come back to me.” I sobbed against my hands; the wind rustling through the leaves and the crickets drowned out my plea’s as my world completely shattered around me. And now there was nothing I could do to fix it.  _

\- - - - - - - - -

I was slipping in and out of consciousness. Any warmth I once had, was gone as the bitter cold sucked it away from me. My body laid numb against the cold hard ground, sore from where I hit against the tree. I already knew I had a couple of bruised ribs and at least two broken ones. That I could handle, the protruding object coming out of my abdomen was a different story. It’s not like the pain was there, it was knowing I couldn’t  _ go _ anywhere. I was completely helpless, alone and afraid. Of course, I’m used to being alone by now, I was pretty much alone for 70 years, so technically I should be fine. But now, now it’s different. I have a...well  _ had _ a great girlfriend. Someone to call my own, my other half, my best friend. The only person who made it worth getting up every morning and be happy to even be alive. It’s funny how fast your life can change.

One moment you’re happy, living on top of the world, without a care of what others around you might think. Then the next, you wake up and realize a huge part of you is missing. You walk around and see a ghost of a familiar face lurking about. Following you everywhere you go; to the corner coffee shop, the park, in the kitchen. Their fragrance clinging to your bedsheets, your favorite shirt. Or how you would find a shirt they owned hidden in the back of your dresser. How much it hurts when it finally clicks that they’re actually gone, but their ghost remains. You want to start over, rid them of their presence, but you don’t have the strength to. 

I watch as the stars flicker above me, marveled of how bright they're shining tonight. I notice the moon and its blinding glory amongst the glittering dust scattered across the night sky. (Y/N) always loved to look at the moon, it was her favorite pass time when she couldn’t sleep. We used to lay on the roof and look at it together. I’d have a nightmare and she’d wake me up and grab my hand. She wouldn’t say anything, but just grab a blanket and bring me up to the roof. We’d bundle together and just watch the night sky. She always told me of how her mother would tell her, whenever she felt down or hated herself in anyway; to just look at the moon and remember. Remember that she was always on the other side watching over her. How she is always there to light her way home. 

(Y/N) was my moon. She was my stars, the light that guided me through my darkest days. I’d be so lost, running from the ever constant darkness that surrounded me. Swallowing me whole, preventing me from ever being free. But then there would be (Y/N). How her smile could brighten up the darkest of rooms. How her eyes twinkled whenever she’d laugh. She was always there to show me the way out. 

But now….now my moon is gone. The stars no longer shined. I’m trapped in a black hole with no way out. Imprisoned in an everlasting sea of darkness with no end in sight. She was gone, and I couldn’t breathe. I can’t breathe! How am I supposed to move on? How can I live? I’m terrified, I’m so scared. How am I supposed to escape from the darkness that has me captured, when I have no light to follow? It feels like Hydra all over again. The ever constant reminder of how every day your life feels like a lie. That there’s no way out. 

I let the tears fall, I have no strength to remove them. I don’t even care anymore. I let them fall freely as (Y/N)’s cries ring through my mind. All I want to do is rush towards her, comfort her, pull her into my arms and  _ prove _ to her of how much she means to me. How can I do that if they don’t even love me back? I just want to hold her, but I can’t, I’m motionless on the ground. My arms are empty, aching to hold her. I slowly reach my hand into my pocket, searching for it. 

I bring it up to my face, watching as it glimmers from the moon’s reflection. It wasn’t anything big, just something simple [ring](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/279293614369586898/%20) . I laugh to myself, she wasn’t one who really cared for big jewelry or large ass diamonds. Thought they were too cliche. But as soon as I saw this one, I knew it was perfect for her. I was going to ask her that night, the night before she left. I had everything planned out. Of course, I didn’t tell anyone else, because I wanted to make a huge deal out of it. But I never could find the willpower to get rid of it, though, I always kept it with me. But now I wonder, what would my life actually be like if she said yes. How great our lives would be, of how free I’d be.

My arm falls back to my side as I close my eyes and listen to the sounds around me. My attention goes on high alert as a roar of an engine cuts through the night. The trees around me start to sway as leaves begin to blow around frantically. The sounds coming right above me. I try to shift further into the treeline, as the dark shape comes closer, but I stop when my side screams. I hear the object thud on the road, followed by a hiss.  _ This is it, this is how I’m going to die. Hydra probably found me, I’ll never see (Y/N) again. _ I shrink back into the shadows as a figure runs out of the door, trying my best to make myself invisible. However, that moment was short lived when my hand rammed into the branch as I tried to move back. 

 

“Shit!” I cursed loudly under my breath as I see white blocking my vision for a few seconds. I breathe deeply, biting my lower lip tightly enough to draw blood, as I waited for the pain to pass. The figure runs towards my location on the forest floor. 

 

“Bucky! I know that’s you, what’s your location?” I sigh in relief when I realized the figure was Steve. I knew he had a pretty good idea it was me, considering how my bike was pretty much scattered everywhere. 

 

“D-Down here Steve.” My voice cracked from lack of use. He spots me and runs down the small hill I rolled down. I relax as Steve makes his way towards me, I smile slightly as his face takes in the injury. 

 

“Fuck Bucky, what the hell?” He quickly kneels beside me, immediately assessing the damage. I hold my side, regretting when I laughed. 

 

“It took you long enough punk.” He just glared at me, before pulling a knife from his pocket and cutting the fabric of my clothes away from where the branch stuck out. 

 

“What were you thinking Bucky? You could’ve gotten yourself killed pulling a stupid stunt like that.” 

 

“It’s not like I  _ asked  _ for the deer to jump out at me Steve!” I snap at him, “But maybe dying wouldn’t be so bad.” I mutter quietly under my breath. 

 

“You don’t mean that.” I stare at him silently, but my attention was soon diverted to two other figures approaching. 

 

“What the fuck happened!” Tony and Sam looked to Steve, then to where I laid on the ground. 

 

“Stupid jerk crashed and got himself impaled.” Steve shoved his knife back into his coat pocket and shifted. “Tony, Sam, we need to carry Bucky back to the jet. Careful, though, if we move the branch at all, it could cause more damage.” They nodded and each lifted me up cautiously, careful not to move fast. They carried me onto the jet and immediately put me on a gurney. Tony rushed towards the front to inform the others of the situation and to have Helen ready when we landed. The jet takes off and heads back to the tower. 

“Frosty, you better be glad your bike had a beacon on it, or we wouldn’t have found your sorry ass.” I knew Sam was trying to lighten up the situation, but a small part of me wished I never was found. It just meant I had to go back to where she was. 

 

“Um...Bucky, what is this?” I look over at where Steve and Tony are standing. They’re both looking at something in Steve’s hand. I realized that it was the ring he was holding. They all looked at me, shocked to see what was before them. 

 

“It’s a ring, what else would it be?” I huff and stare at the ceiling of the jet. Trying my best not to break. 

 

“We got that much, but why do you have a ring?” Tony asked me. I let out a sigh, but don’t look at them. 

 

“I was going to propose to her. The night she left.” The jet falls silent, the atmosphere thick with unanswered questions. I look at them with a hurt expression, “Please….please just don’t tell her about the ring.” 

 

We landed shortly after and everyone went nuts. Helen and her staff were rushing around frantically. Wheeling me straight to the med wing for surgery. I blacked out shortly after we landed, but before I did my eyes locked on hers. They were the last thing I saw before it all went black. 

* * *

 

**_Reader’s POV_ **

 

You bolted out of your room and down the stairs as soon as FRIDAY informed you that they found Bucky and how he was in need of emergency surgery. You almost tripped on the stairs as you thought why he needed surgery. Your questions were soon answered as you rushed to Natasha’s side. Your attention drawn to the figures in white lab coats, quickly pushing a gurney along with them. 

You noticed Steve, Sam, and Tony following right after them. One of the men moved and you felt your heart stop. You took in Bucky’s pale, banged up form. He was covered in cuts and bruises, his shirt was cut away from his side, revealing a horrific sight. You almost threw up on the spot at the sight before you. A two-inch thick branch was sticking out of his lower abdomen, his shirt, chest and pants covered in blood. Your eyes shot to Bucky’s face, only to see him staring right at you. Your heart lurched as you tried to rush to him, but Nat's arms wrapped around you preventing you. His eyes shut, the room around you spun out of control. Everything happened so fast. The hollow look in his eyes, the blood...oh the blood. Your legs gave out from under you as you screamed.

You couldn’t breathe, your chest tightened. It felt as if your heart was being ripped out of your chest. Nat and Wanda held you as you cried, no matter what they said, their words could never take away the pain you felt. You clung tighter to Nat as sobs racked through you. 

 

“What have I done? It’s all my fault, Nat.” You never slept that night, or the next or the next. 

 

\-- Time Skip 6 hours -- 

 

It was the longest 6 hours all of you have ever faced. Helen and her team managed to remove the branch from his abdomen successfully, but he lost a lot of blood. His body temperature was dangerously low, he had several bruised ribs, two broken. He fractured his right wrist and needed well over 100 stitches in total. He was in really bad shape. If the guys didn’t find him when they did, the consequences would’ve been far worse. Thankfully he didn’t take it out because he would probably be holding onto the last threads of life. Or worse, he could be dead. But he’s fine, he’s safe, and most importantly he’s alive. 

You were currently curled up on a cushioned chair on the opposite side of glass, which separated you and Bucky. You sat there ever since they brought him in after his surgery. Which was 6 hours ago. Nat and Wanda sat next to you, they were each holding your hands. Letting you squeeze the life out of them. You watched as Bucky’s chest rise after every breath he took. He was still under the anesthesia and would be for a while longer. You let your eyes wander his still frame from where you sat. He looked so tired and worn out. Dark circles under his eyes contrasted against his pale skin. Stitches and bruises were littered across his face. 

 

You blamed yourself. 

 

It was your fault he was lying on that bed, IVs sticking out of his arms. It was your fault all this drama happened between the two of you. You notice the guys coming out of Helen’s office and make their way towards you. Steve walked up to you and knelt down until he was eye level with you. It took a few seconds for your eyes to focus on him. Steve’s eyes were bloodshot, worry lines evident on his face. He reached out and brushed away the tears from your tear stained cheeks. 

“(Y/N), why don’t you get some sleep. He’s not going to wake up for a few more hours.”

Your shoulders sag slowly as you looked at your reflection coming off the glass in front of you. Your hair was a tangled mess tied to the top of your head. Your eyes were bloodshot, puffy and red. Your skin lost some of its colors and was sunken in slightly, due to the events that transpired over the past few weeks. Your clothes were wrinkled and disheveled from wearing them all day. You were desperately in need of a shower and a good plate of food, but you didn’t have any energy to do either of them. Steve looked over at Nat, who was now currently facing you. Their lips forming tight thin lines. 

“Nat, I’m going to carry (Y/N) upstairs. Why don’t you help her get cleaned up and Wanda, do you think you can make something small for her to eat? Nothing too major, just something she can stomach.” They both nodded in agreement. Wanda placed a light kiss on your forehead and headed off towards the kitchen. Steve reached out towards you and you let your body fall into his arms. You loved Steve, he was the brother you never had. You knew he was trying to comfort you, but the arms you missed the most, were currently in the other room. Steve wrapped his arms around you, slipping one under your knees to carry you bridal style. 

“I’m so sorry Steve. It’s all my fault.” He held you tighter, Nat kissed your cheek before starting the shower. He set you down on your bed, before kneeling in front of you again.

“(Y/N), it’s not your fault. Not even Bucky’s. There’s just a lot of miscommunication going on and we’ll sort it out once he’s up for it. Now, let Nat get you cleaned up and you better at least eat a little bit before you sleep. Okay?” 

“Okay.” After a long hot shower, and a bowl of soup, you were exhausted. You passed out as soon as your head hit the pillow. You just hoped Bucky would understand. 

* * *

 

“(Y/N), you need to go and talk to him.”  

 

You shifted over on the couch as Steve sat next to you. It’s been a long rough month since the fight since Bucky left. It’s also been a painful month since Bucky’s accident. Bucky was currently in the med wing, hooked up to machines and IVs everywhere. Thankfully, Steve, Tony, and Sam followed straight after him when he stormed out because they found him just in time to bring him back before his condition worsened. You shivered slightly as you thought back to the sight before you when they along with Helen rushed a pale and bleeding Bucky down to the med wing. You almost threw up, when you noticed the branch protruding from his abdomen, red crimson soaking his clothes. 

“(Y/N) are you even listening?” You jerk back to the present when Steve nudged your shoulder. 

“I’m sorry…what was the question?” He let out a frustrated sigh as his head dropped. “When are you going to go down there?”

Shrugging your shoulders, you pulled your knees up to your chest and dared a look at the eyes that watched you. The team were clearly frustrated and all decided it was time for you to sort out your differences and go talk to Bucky. To finally tell him everything. 

“I don’t know Steve, I don’t think it’s the best time right now.” Nat groaned from the seat across from you. 

“(Y/N), I love you. You’re like a sister to me, but this has got to stop. Bucky is clearly getting worse, he’s refusing to talk to anyone, he won’t even eat. He’s practically killing himself because of this whole thing.” She rubbed her temples for a few seconds, processing on what to say next. 

“Let me ask you a question.” She leaned her elbows on her knees and glanced at you. 

“What do you think might happen that makes you so afraid?” Everyone focused on you, waiting for you to answer. And you were terrified. You stood up and walked towards the window, watching as the cars drove by. 

 

“Are you gonna answer anytime soon or are we going to have Wanda answer for us?” 

“Tony! That was uncalled for.” Nat wasn’t wrong, it was uncalled for, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to answer them. 

“Yeah well sorry, but I just came back from talking with Helen and she’s growing more concerned for Bucky.” Everyone started talking at once. Your heart raced as your mind ran through every worse possibility. 

“What happened Tony?” Steve sounded worried from Tony’s recent news and you couldn’t blame him.

“Long story short, Bucky had what seemed like a nightmare. He pretty much reopened his wound when he started thrashing around on the bed. He’s stable, but it’s got Helen worried.” A silent pause filled the room before he spoke up again. “So, tell us the exact reason why you’re not down there right now talking to him.”

“Fine you want to know Tony? Here’s your answer, I’m afraid he’ll leave me as soon as I tell him.” You answered Tony, not bothering to face him. You were getting slightly frustrated by all their bickering. 

“(Y/N), he won’t ever leave you. He still loves you, no matter what the outcome would’ve been.” You whipped around angrily to face Steve. Might as well tell them your worst fear. 

“You sure about that Steve? Then why did my dad walk out on my mom and I when she lost all ability to walk? Answer that!” The team was shocked by your outburst, unsure what to say. “He left her because she was now a ‘worthless, useless, waste of space, pathetic piece of shit’. How can you be so sure Bucky won’t do the same?” 

You walk to stand in front of Steve, your eyes burned from the unshed tears. “Steven Grant Rogers, tell me that I didn’t lose the one perfect thing I had, that he’s not my father. Tell me I didn’t lose him!”

Your hands literally began to shake as memories flooded back, memories of watching your own father, your own flesh and blood walk out the door. Steve pulled you into his embrace, letting you cry against him. Your hands gripped onto his shirt tightly, your cries muffled against his chest. 

“You never lost him (Y/N) and you never will. Bucky is not your father and I’ll tell you why.” He pulled you back slightly, wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. “Bucky is a man who loves you. He never shuts up about you.” You couldn’t help but let out a small smile.

“When Bucky was told you might end up paralyzed, yes he was devastated, but not the reasons you think. He was worried you were going to cave in, shut him out, leave him in the dark. (Y/N), he told me he wouldn’t care if you were paralyzed or not. It would just give him the excuse to carry you around more often, to take care of you just like you have taken care of him. He wouldn’t love you any less.” Fresh tears begin to fall from every word Steve said. You stand there quietly for a few minutes, thinking about what he just told you. Before you could chicken out, you nod your head.

 

“Okay….I’ll go down there and talk to him. Thanks for telling me Steve.” 

 

The team watches as you make your way towards the elevator. The only sounds you could hear was the pumping of your heart in your chest and your padded feet dragging across the floor. You were about to tell Bucky everything, he was about to hear the truth. He was going to know about your greatest fear. 

* * *

 

**_Bucky’s POV_ **

 

Helen was pissed, but she said I was lucky that I didn’t cause any major damage after I pretty much bolted out of the bed. I was just about to close my eyes when a quiet knock came from the door. I look over to see (Y/N) standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around herself as her gaze was glued to the floor. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to her, the anger I once had before started to rise once again. The way she left me, how she actually believed I could never have the capacity to love her if the outcome changed. I shift my gaze back towards the ceiling. 

 

“What are you doing here (Y/N)?” I asked bitterly. I didn’t mean to make it come out so harshly, but it’s hard when your emotions get the better of you. 

 

“I’m here to talk.”

 

“Oh, so  _ now _ you want to talk? What about how you refused to talk to me? How you wouldn’t even look at me? How you thought it was such a brilliant idea to let everyone know, besides me?” I watched as she shifted on her feet, her gaze still on the floor. 

“I was your boyfriend for three years (Y/N)! And you never believed it was best to let me know?” She flinched back, but still didn’t budge from where she stood. 

“Talk.” Her head shoots up, eyes finally meeting mine. 

“What?” I pointed to the chair on the opposite side of the room. 

“Since you’re here to talk, might as well start confessing now before I change my mind.” She looks over to the chair and sits down, pulling her knees up to her chest. I watched as she moved her gaze towards the window, sill amazed of how she looked. I was angry at her, but I could never hate her, never.

“When I was sixteen, my mom got into a car accident. Guy never saw the red light. He hit her drivers side dead on. I was in the passenger side.” She took the blanket from the back of the chair and wrapped it around herself, clearing her throat before continuing. 

“We were shopping, you know groceries, clothes, and stuff. It was movie night and we decided it would be fun to make pizzas instead of ordering take-out. I remember as the glass flew everywhere as the cars collided. She ended up being in the hospital for four months. M-My mom ended up being paralyzed from the waist down. Confined to a god-forsaken wheelchair.” I stayed quiet as she spoke but confused as to why she never told me this in the first place. She wiped away the tears quickly. 

“Everything was fine, everyone was happy. We were adjusting, living our lives day by day. But that all stopped after I turned eighteen. The stress became too much for my dad. The constant need to take care of mom was becoming overwhelming. That’s when the fights started. They weren’t physical, but every word, every insult felt like knives were being stabbed into you. He told her she was a waste of space, pointless, waste of his time, a clingy, needy pathetic paralyzed bitch. Then one day……...he walked out the door and left. That was the last time I ever saw him.” 

She looked at me then, tears freely running down her face. My heart broke when I looked at her. She looked so broken, so lost, unsure about everything. I kicked myself mentally for all the hurt I caused her as well, I was the one that yelled at her. And I so wished I could take it back. 

“I never told anyone that Bucky, you were the first.”

“Then why did you leave? Why didn’t you just tell me?” My voice cracked as I asked her. 

“Because….because I was afraid my worst fear would’ve come true.”

“You thought I’d leave you? That I would’ve ended up being like your father?” She nodded her head as she played with the edge of the blanket. 

“So, I-I thought it would just be best if I left. I’m sorry Bucky, I was so scared, I wasn’t thinking straight. I know I shouldn’t have left you the way I did.” She stood up from the chair and walked to stand beside me, close, but still distant. 

“It’s my fault all this happened. You should’ve been the first to know and crap…..Bucky I’m the one who put you in that bed. It’s my fault that you could’ve almost died! I was just...I d-didn’t...I never wanted any of this to happen.” She sighed out in exhaustion, “I understand if you never want to talk to me again.”

I wait for a few minutes as I processed everything in my head. I flip my left hand over, hoping she takes the hint. I rejoice as she does. She slips her hand into mine and lets out a small smile at the contact. It’s been far too long since I’ve held her hand. 

“(Y/N), I’m going, to be honest with you, so just listen. It’s not your fault, we’re both to blame here. But it’s most definitely  _ not _ your fault that I’m in this bed, that’s all me.” She sits down on the chair beside the bed, letting me continue.

“I won’t lie to you, but yes I’m angry at you. I’m angry how you never explained to me what was going on. How you never let me take care of you and comfort you. That’s what we’re here for, we’re here to support each other.” I rotate her hand so our fingers are linked together. 

“I don’t care if you ended up paralyzed or not, that won’t make me love you any less. It just would give me an extra excuse to carry you around more often.” We both share a quiet laugh, she looks up at me and I can’t help but smile back as her smile actually reaches her eyes. 

 

“Yeah, I know. Steve told me.”

 

“Stupid punk.” I muttered under my breath, silently rejoicing as I felt the familiar calmness I’ve missed in so long. A calm silence soon fills the room, I automatically bring her hand up and kiss her knuckles softly as I continued to stare at the wall in front of me. 

“What do we do now Bucky? I still love you and I don’t want to lose you either.”

“We take it slow, we’ll take it day by day. And this time, no secrets, no more lies. Everything out in the open, because there is no way I’m losing you again.” I turn my head to face her, taking my time memorizing every feature on her face. 

“Day by day, no more lies, no more secrets. I can do that, but I do have one question.” She focused on our hands that were clasped together.

 

“What’s your question?”

 

“Do you still love me, James?” She sounded unsure, almost as if she was afraid I’d say no. I remove my hand from hers and cup her face gently, raising it up so I could look at her fully. Her eyes close as she leans into my hand, placing hers above mine. 

“I never stopped loving you (Y/N) and I never will.” I pulled her closer until our foreheads met. “I know it’s going to take time, but I will  _ always _ love you, please don’t forget that.” I kiss her forehead, letting my lips linger there. My resolve almost melts as she does the same. 

“Now go get some rest doll, we have a lot of catching up to do tomorrow.” I lightly shove her out of the room, laughing as she stuck out her tongue at me. “Getting rid of me already Barnes?”

“Never doll, you’re stuck with me.” I replied by repeating her gesture. 

 

“I love you, James.” 

 

“I love you too (Y/N), please don’t forget that.”

 

“Never.” 

 

She blew me a kiss before she slipped out, closing the door behind her. I knew it was going to be a long process for the both of us. Rebuilding our trust, mending the holes we left behind, but I knew we were going to be okay. That everything was going to be just fine. I just felt so relieved I found a light in the distance. A light to lead me out of the dark, to bring me back home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please let me know what you think!! And don't worry, there will be a Part 7.
> 
> If the link didn't work here it is:  
> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/279293614369586898/


End file.
